went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
