I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
