he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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