Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
