then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize