never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
