I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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