come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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