Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
