yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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