Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
