she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
