A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
