I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Still dying that you shit outside
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
