3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
