why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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