I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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