Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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