I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
