Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ttyl tear gas
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
