can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
