i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
