Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
