I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
