I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
