sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As shirtless as possible
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
