True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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