today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
