I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
