I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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