he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
