You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
