why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
