...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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