By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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