Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
