similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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