No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
