He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
