mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
