I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
