dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
