i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
