I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
BRING THE BAGELS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
