I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is my gift to your gina
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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