Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
