You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Life without a bra equals bliss.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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