Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
