my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
