How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
