I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
