I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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