I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
