Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
