Pappa wants mamma naked
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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